Gerald

Gerald

By Noah Hamilton

It’s 9:33am on cold frosty morning. A grey dawn has come and Gerald has woken up unusually late, six thirty on the dot as it usually is but this time some thing is a bit eerie as there is a smell brisking through his nose, he sniffs but must have been something he ate still lingering from the night before as he usually raids the fridge after his “afternoon” drinks. He sits himself up from his pillow an clears his throat, he is barely awake but does his usual routine of putting on his slippers and dressing gown. The sniffs again and it is still there. It smells pleasant though he thinks to himself, what is that fragrance?

Gerald: What is that?

(He mutters to himself)

Gerald: Oh, my head. Ugh. I should really take it a little easier next time. God knows what I could of done.

(He squints his eyes and notices a pain that hits hard)

Gerald: Ow!

(He finds a mirror)

Gerald: Oh god.

(Gerald notices he has a black eye, he can make it out even in the poor light. But then he switches on the light not only to find a black eye but some lipstick on his cheek.)

Gerald: What?

(He looks around the room to see if there are any clues or relics from the previous night and there is. One traffic cone and even an empty keg. He flicks them both with his fingers just to make sure. He sniffs again and still confused of the fragrance.)

Gerald: Is that…Calvin Klein, Calvin Klein Obsession?

(Sniffs again and tries rubbing the lipstick off with his fingers but to only get it on both his face and his fingers.)

Gerald: I need a napkin

(He reaches in the drawer already open, he shuffles through and finds some soft fabric, about to wipe it on his face he unravels it to find out what it is, a pair of ladies underwear. He wakes up completely. Still wanting to get the lipstick on he reaches for another attempt to find a napkin but to his amazement he finds another pair of ladies underwear. He flings them both away to attend to his headache and black eye.)

Gerald: This strange, this is bizarre,who’s are these?

On the chair next to his bed he notices a studded belt….

Gerald: This does not look good

In comes Delila

Delila: Oh great you are awake, just collecting a few of my things before I go, think you had a good time, sorry about the eye, and all that other stuff but you were a champ. Shame you passed out before anything happened.

Gerald: Wait, what? who are you?

Delila: My oh my, you must of took something strong, you really don’t remember?

Gerald: Do I want to?

Delila: Well I though we had a great time on the trot painting the town red with you, you saved us from that guy, remember? You got in the way of his fist while we had time to hit him with our hand bags

Gerald: We?

(In comes Lara)

Lara: Morning Gerald! Have you seen my belt and, you know..

Gerald: Oh…wait where were you sleeping?

Lara: With…

She hints with her hands and points both fingers towards Gerald

Gerald: And I don’t remember?

Delila: That brute must of hit you hard, and the hundred euros worth of tequila at the late bar

Gerald: But….

Lara: Hope you don’t mind that I raided the fridge do you

Gerald: No no, sure fine but…..

Delia: Oh yeah and that bit of money we agreed upon

(Gerald looks at the studded belt again)

Gerald: Oooooohhhhhh

Lara: That taxi remember?

Gerald: Oh right!

Delila: 250 for damages

Gerald: Oh

Delila: What were you thinking about? Were you thinking about those things we were supposed to have but didn’t?

Gerald: Can I just sit down for a minute?

Delila: Sure honey, we are not crooks, but we do work

Lara: Working girls you know?

Gerald: Ok Ok, if it will make you go away

(He grabs his wallet to find it empty)

Delila: Broke huh?

Lara: Well we did drink it

Delila: That’s just complimentary

Gerald: Now hold on just a second, this is not me, I just don’t do this kind of thing at all.

(Delila looks at Lara)

Delila: There’s always a first isn’t there? Always hoping for a freebie

Lara: Lets call Big Bobby, let him know he’s here for round two

Gerald: Please don’t, here have this

(Gerald hands Delila something from another cabinet)

Gerald: Its a wedding ring, I don’t need it anymore

Delila: Shouldn’t you kneel first?

Lara: I do!

Delila: Stay quiet Lara, this looks legit, what happened Gerald?

(with a small bit of a sympathetic tone she asked)

Gerald: She said “no”

Lara: When was this Gerald?

Gerald: Just please go, it’s enough to cover everything and more, but please go

Delila: Let’s go Lara

Lara: Ok but Gerald?

Gerald: Yes?

Delia: Merry Christmas!

The End

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