Ophelia and Katya (part 8)

Part 8

Dave and Bart were back to their flat of whom they shared with a Belgian who stayed in his room most of the time who was as Dave and Bart found out was a bit of a racist, it was the reason the last tenants moved out though the Belgian named Eric claimed the last tenants an immigrant couple from Spain were constantly abusing each other and were vegan. Eric only left his room to work in a deli before arriving back home to throw on an oven pizza before returning to his room to masturbate. This was routine but Dave and Bart tolerated him as they didn’t want to be evicted again.

Dave starts to roll up a joint while Bart starts swiping on Tinder

Bart: Got a match here

Dave: Another tranny eh?

Bart: No and fuck you

Dave: Any roach material about?

Bart: Just use that pro life pamphlet that came in through the letter box

Dave: Mmmm, we’ll be tasting dead babies once this monster is sparked

Bart: Go easy, that has to last for the week, we’re broke

Dave: It’s a shitty bag but fuck it, I need to get baked now, tis the time for it

Techno beats upstairs

Bart: Eric at it again with Brazzers

Dave: Guess so, the guy actually has an account payed

Bart: Why doesn’t he just go on pornhub, doesn’t he know its free

Dave: He thinks only dole scroungers pay

Bart: Well at least he’s supporting single mothers

Dave: Stop it, my ex was one

Bart: A pornstar? gwan you dirty fecker!

Dave: fuck off, she was just a single mother

Bart: How long did that last

Dave: when I found out she had a kid

Bart: Wha??? You are a right bastard

Dave: Yeah, she was your mother

Bart: Fuck yourself. Sure check this one out

Bart shows Dave her phone

Dave: Oh don’t go there was chatting to her a while ago, she’s crazy

Bart: I’m in there!

Dave: I see a coldsore on her lip too, see?

Bart: Fuck sake

Dave: You really need that to get laid?

Bart:……Yes, yes I do, it’s how everyone get a ride these days, you know that yourself sure

Dave: I’ve pulled in real life, I’m not a sad bastard like yourself

Bart: who?

Dave: Your mother bitch

Bart: Just give me the baggy, I want to roll one myself

Dave: Sharing is caring

Bart: Not having your duck arsed nexts.

Dave: Hold on there, where’s the grinder?

Bart: It’s on google apps

Dave: The Grind-er, not Grindr

Bart: I know what you meant, only messing.

Dave: Go chat to yer tranny

Bart: Oh, got another match

Dave: who’s it now?

Bart: She’s cute, hold on a second

Dave: Mon now, what’s she like

Bart: “Me son is my world” She say in her profile, her job it says “Mother”

Dave: Be a bit more specific

Bart: Loads of baby pics now….

Beep Beep!

Dave: She messaged ya?

Bart: Yep, going good so far

Dave: Sure go for it dude

Bart: Just skin up lad, I got this. Just messaged her back

Dave what did she say?

Bart: “hi”

Dave: What did you say

Bart: “hi”

Dave: shmooth!

Bart: Ok, let’s see how this goes

Dave: It’s on, got a light?

Bart: Ah fuck, just realized that slapper at the pub stole it

Dave: Ghoulbag to say the least

Bart: ditto

Dave: Does Eric have one?

Bart: You know he doesn’t smoke

Dave: I’ll just use the toaster

Bart: She hasn’t replied yet

Dave: Someone else better looking must of swiped her

Bart: ah well, dodged a bullet sure

Dave: You are some Cunt Bart.


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