Dave and Bart were back to their flat of whom they shared with a Belgian who stayed in his room most of the time who was as Dave and Bart found out was a bit of a racist, it was the reason the last tenants moved out though the Belgian named Eric claimed the last tenants an immigrant couple from Spain were constantly abusing each other and were vegan. Eric only left his room to work in a deli before arriving back home to throw on an oven pizza before returning to his room to masturbate. This was routine but Dave and Bart tolerated him as they didn’t want to be evicted again.
Dave starts to roll up a joint while Bart starts swiping on Tinder
Bart: Got a match here
Dave: Another tranny eh?
Bart: No and fuck you
Dave: Any roach material about?
Bart: Just use that pro life pamphlet that came in through the letter box
Dave: Mmmm, we’ll be tasting dead babies once this monster is sparked
Bart: Go easy, that has to last for the week, we’re broke
Dave: It’s a shitty bag but fuck it, I need to get baked now, tis the time for it
Techno beats upstairs
Bart: Eric at it again with Brazzers
Dave: Guess so, the guy actually has an account payed
Bart: Why doesn’t he just go on pornhub, doesn’t he know its free
Dave: He thinks only dole scroungers pay
Bart: Well at least he’s supporting single mothers
Dave: Stop it, my ex was one
Bart: A pornstar? gwan you dirty fecker!
Dave: fuck off, she was just a single mother
Bart: How long did that last
Dave: when I found out she had a kid
Bart: Wha??? You are a right bastard
Dave: Yeah, she was your mother
Bart: Fuck yourself. Sure check this one out
Bart shows Dave her phone
Dave: Oh don’t go there was chatting to her a while ago, she’s crazy
Bart: I’m in there!
Dave: I see a coldsore on her lip too, see?
Bart: Fuck sake
Dave: You really need that to get laid?
Bart:……Yes, yes I do, it’s how everyone get a ride these days, you know that yourself sure
Dave: I’ve pulled in real life, I’m not a sad bastard like yourself
Dave: Your mother bitch
Bart: Just give me the baggy, I want to roll one myself
Dave: Sharing is caring
Bart: Not having your duck arsed nexts.
Dave: Hold on there, where’s the grinder?
Bart: It’s on google apps
Dave: The Grind-er, not Grindr
Bart: I know what you meant, only messing.
Dave: Go chat to yer tranny
Bart: Oh, got another match
Dave: who’s it now?
Bart: She’s cute, hold on a second
Dave: Mon now, what’s she like
Bart: “Me son is my world” She say in her profile, her job it says “Mother”
Dave: Be a bit more specific
Bart: Loads of baby pics now….
Dave: She messaged ya?
Bart: Yep, going good so far
Dave: Sure go for it dude
Bart: Just skin up lad, I got this. Just messaged her back
Dave what did she say?
Dave: What did you say
Bart: Ok, let’s see how this goes
Dave: It’s on, got a light?
Bart: Ah fuck, just realized that slapper at the pub stole it
Dave: Ghoulbag to say the least
Dave: Does Eric have one?
Bart: You know he doesn’t smoke
Dave: I’ll just use the toaster
Bart: She hasn’t replied yet
Dave: Someone else better looking must of swiped her
Bart: ah well, dodged a bullet sure
Dave: You are some Cunt Bart.